Hotness For Dummies
by jazzmonkey
Summary: "Ten shoes, is that enough?" "It's different for the ladies..." Well, maybe not so much. According to Garcia, The BAU's genius was about to learn a lesson in fashion: whether he wanted to or not.


**I don't own Criminal Minds. Oh well...**

**Hotness For Dummies**

He sighed from inside the stall. He still could not believe that this was happening.

"Are you done yet?" Garcia shouted perkily.

"Yes," he groaned. He shut the door behind him, taking a few seconds to watch the swaying 'taken' sign, and walked out to where his friends were.

They were utterly silent. Finally, Garcia's eyes flew open and she squealed. "OH, I knew it! I just KNEW IT! You look so AMAZING in those clothes Reid!"

The youngest of the BAU was currently standing in front of JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia. Prentiss grinned, "She's right Reid. You do look really hot in those clothes."

Reid blushed, the pink painting his cheeks a very adorable hue, only adding to his young boyish looks.

"Can I please change now?" he tugged at the bottom of the jacket nervously.

"Let me take a picture."

"No!" he half-shouted, scandalized at the very thought of something so horrendous falling into the hands of his best friend, Derek Morgan.

Garcia's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Let JJ take the picture, or I will find a way to make sure your credit score will suffer."

He slumped his shoulder, "Fine."

After the picture was taken, he felt the ring of his phone. "Hotch?" he questioned.

"We've got a case. Meet me at the bullpen ASAP. I'll call the others."

"Don't bother with the girls, they're all here with me."

Before Reid could shut off the phone, he could have sworn he heard a slight chuckle from the other end.

"We have to go. I'm changing and we're leaving," he stated.

Garcia pouted, looking on as Reid walked back into the stall. She grinned evilly, "I have an idea."

Prentiss looked at her oddly, "Do we want to know?"

"Of course! You guys saw how sexy Reid looked in those clothes!"

JJ laughed, "He did look good. So, what do you have in mind?"

"Well…"

Within the short time that it took Reid to change, they had smoothed all the details out.

Leaving the store, Garcia gave a fake artistic gasp. "Oh, I forgot my purse by the stall! I better go and grab it!"

Reid looked back at her, "Do you want me to g-"

"Don't be silly!" she said, waving her hand, "I've got it!"

Walking back, she waited until she knew they were gone. In mere minutes, she had several bags being put away in the storeroom. The man was to drop them off at her house later. Giving him one last satisfied look, she entered the SUV.

On the plane, Garcia jumped inwardly. The plan had gone off without a hitch! Now for phase two.

"It's nice to see you're coming with us baby girl. We would've missed you too much," a pleasant voice tickled her ear.

"Of course my chocolate Adonis! You were going to New York!"

She winked at JJ.

The blond woman stood up. That was the signal. She walked over to Reid, "Hey, Spence…"

"I'm really sorry Spence!" JJ repeated for the seventh time, as Spencer had counted. She attempted to wipe away more of the coffee from his shirt.

He soothed her, "It's fine JJ. I'll just change when we drop off everything at the hotel. It's good."

They moved off, and the girls exchanged high-fives. "What did you guys do?" Morgan asked with a smile on his face.

"You'll see," Prentiss stated.

After waiting a couple more minutes, Hotch looked at his watch impatiently, "Where is Reid?"

"I'll go get him," Morgan offered. He entered the room, seeing a disgruntled Reid. "What's wrong?"

He walked back to his friend's go bag, which was empty. Clothes were strewn around. Morgan picked up a pair of pants and realized suddenly that they were too…rough to be Spencer's usual choice of slacks. Now that he thought about it, everything was a tad bit too colorful or smooth to be a sweater vest or dress pants. And he was pretty sure he spotted a scarf among the piles…

"Whose are these?" he questioned.

Reid groaned, "The girls made me go shopping with them. I thought it would just be carrying their bags… They had me try on a bunch of this stuff. I didn't think they'd actually buy all this stuff and sneak it into my go bag!" he said desperately.

Morgan shook his head, "You have no choice. We have to get down to the station."

"What am I supposed to do?"

He picked up a pair of jeans and a dressier shirt, "Here. At least it's not too colorful."

Within minutes, the youngest joined the group, his hands stuck in his pockets. He walked up to them, turned away from the girls. "Finally Reid-" Rossi stopped cold, "What are you wearing?"

Reid pouted, "Ask them."

Prentiss smiled innocently, "What? He needed new clothes."

Garcia shuffled around in her purse as they got out of the two SUVs. "Here!" she yelled triumphantly. She pulled out a purple scarf that coincidently went along with Reid's jeans and shirt.

Reid shook his head, pleading, "No way! I'm not wearing it Garcia!"

"Reid! It pulls the shoes and clothes together!"

Never in his life had Reid been so hateful towards his converse. Usually, they gave him a sense of comfort, but now all they said to him was 'hi, I'm seventeen!'

She shook her head, "You don't look set without it!" she whined. As the loving woman began moving closer, he moved back, only to hit Morgan in the chest.

"Hotch! Help me here!" he stated. Looking at his leader's face, he realized he was on his own. Resigned, he slouched so she could fit the fabric loosely around his neck. Before he realized it, she snapped open the top two buttons of his shirt.

"There. Now, you're all set." She gave him an overly sweet smile that told him if he even tried to button back up or remove the scarf, he would severely suffer the consequences.

"Is he-"

"Right? That's wha-"

"He's just so h-"

The whispers were very audible to him as he walked past them all. He was trying to ignore everyone's whispers as he worked, and groaned when he caught yet another glance at his butt. He closed the door behind him as he made his way over to the map once more.

"Did you get another cup of coffee Reid?" Prentiss asked.

Reid pouted, "No, they ran out."

JJ chuckles were apparent, "They probably don't have someone as addicted as you here."

He didn't say anything as he looked at the map again. "Hey…" he realized. He glanced down at the way the victims were positioned.

All four present grinned at his movement. He'd clearly become comfortable in the clothes the girls had practically forced on him. The outfit today, dark blue skinny jeans, a pale creamy yellow dress shirt and the dark scarf really did wonders for his looks. It was a shame that he insisted on his sweater vests and dress pants.

The youngest glanced at the markings. They seemed strangely familiar… It had been bugging him for a while, and it was only now it hit him.

"The Starry Night!" he suddenly yelled.

The entire group looked up, startled at the sudden outburst, "That picture by Van Gogh?" JJ asked.

"Of course," Reid said, all thoughts about coffee and his clothes gone. "The marks on the skin, the moon and the jagged shape, the small little rectangles," he wrote it all down.

He muttered as he drew on the map. "Reid?" Garcia asked. "Should we call Hotch and Rossi?"

He turned, "Yes. I think I just figured it out." His voice turned professional, "You see Van Gogh first created Starry Night in-"

"Reid, just tell us about the connection," Morgan stated before his friend could start rambling too much.

"Right, sorry. Garcia, pull up a picture of Starry Night. Okay, there, thanks. Here we have the fog in the background, and there it is on her arm, and there is the pattern of the stars on our second victim."

"Why would anyone do that?" Prentiss mused.

Reid looked at the little chapel like building, "All the places the victims were placed…They had some kind of structure like this, didn't they?"

"You're right, they did."

"I think I know what this Unsub is doing. He's trying to recreate the painting. All these people, both the men and women, they all have one characteristic that IS similar."

Garcia looked at each victim, and it suddenly made sense to her, "Their clothes! All of them are wearing something that is very of that style. The colors are all in Starry Night."

Morgan was skeptical, "So this Unsub is attacking just because these people have some version of Starry Night in their clothes?"

The females in the room could understand, "It would actually fit with the profile. We said that he would be severely OCD, with the way the kills and the postmortem cuts are so precisely placed. He kills with a GSW to the head. He could be a serious Van Gogh fanatic, so he feels all these people are disgracing it by using its colors," Prentiss suggested.

"You're telling me that this psycho is killing because of a PAINTING?" Morgan asked again.

Reid shrugged, "After this many cases, and all the weird things we've seen, are you really surprised?"

"Timothy Risard! FBI, open up!" Morgan yelled, busting the door open. They split up, heading into different rooms.

Reid carefully climbed downward into the basement. Inside, he was swearing at Garcia. It was hard to walk in the stupid skinny jeans, and even worse on the rickety staircase. It was dim, but it suddenly expanded into a huge room.

He could see the Starry Night everywhere. The painting was on all four walls, and then extending onto the ceiling and pitch black floors. "Guys," he whispered quietly into his comm, "I think he's in the basement."

Just as the words left him, he saw a sudden burst of light as the bulbs filled with energy. "Who are you?" Timothy asked. He spotted the FBI imprinted on the vest and his eyes widened.

Reid leveled the gun at Timothy, "Don't move Timothy."

The man's eyes narrowed, "You can't be an agent. You're too young," he looked over Reid. "And you dress too prettily."

Reid bit his lip, "We can talk this out Timothy. I don't want to shoot you."

"You are really pretty," Timothy repeated. He cocked his head, "And you like to wear dark blue."

Reid was now inwardly cursing himself for not realizing he was wearing the exact colors that set Timothy off, "Just calm down Timothy. I don't want to anger you."

Timothy was oblivious to his words, "Your clothes…"

Reid gulped. He really liked avoiding shooting the Unsub regardless of what they were, especially after Tobias, but he might not have a choice. He tried again, "Timothy, please calm down."

Where were Morgan and the others?

"It's perfect…" Timothy whispered.

Reid shifted, uncomfortable, "What?"

"You're wearing all the right colors. You've recreated Van Gogh's painting…"

He wasn't sure whether he was going to thank the girls, or kill them. In the spilt second that the Unsub moved a little closer, he decided it would be that latter.

In the next minutes that Morgan and the others rushed down, Reid had easily handcuffed the man, and was currently talking to keep him calm. Reid's gun was holstered, and neither had any injuries.

Morgan's eyebrows raised as Reid handed off the man to a police officer, "What did you say to him?"

Reid blushed slightly, "Um, nothing." He really didn't want them to know the real reason Timothy had surrendered.

Five profilers were now around him prodding him to tell them. He shook his head, the pink still dusting his cheeks. Timothy was being led past them after having been checked for any more weapons.

He looked at Reid, "You look very pretty," he stated again lightly, "Just like Van Gogh's painting. Perfect…" he kept murmuring as he continued past in the police's arms.

Reid closed his eyes as he turned back around to face his team. Morgan had an extremely big grin on his face, "So, Reid…"

JJ and Prentiss were giggling, "Just wait until we tell Garcia!"

Morgan teased, "I'm betting this is the first time in history that anyone caught an Unsub by looking like a painting. You should wear those clothes all the time Reid."

"Morgan!" Reid yelled. He stalked back to the SUVs, the light giggles and stifled chuckles following him all the way.

Prentiss bit her lip, stifling a laugh as she saw Reid's slightly pouting face in the back seat. "Should we tell him about the phone numbers that we got from around the station?"

**Jazz returns :) So, did it make sense? I know, the chances of an Unsub killing for a painting (or about a painting, I guess) is slim, but people have killed for less. Just go with it, right? Drop a line!**


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